Five reasons being a Vampire would be pretty cool

3 10 2012

1) The Travel Experience

As a vampire, since you have unlimited days on earth (unless you get staked of course), you have all the time in the world to travel and see everything the world has to offer; From the street canals of Venice, Italy and the Himalayas in India to the volcanoes in Iceland and Indonesia and the rainforests in South America. Every city in every country, every desert, every lake, every canal or stream, every mountain, every cliff, every cornfield, every pasture… every thing! Along with your travels you will get to meet all kinds of different people from different cultures. Just be on your best behavior and make friends rather than eat them all and you’ll be able to enjoy more without worrying that somebody is out to get you for revenge or because they want all blood sucking vampires dead, again.

2) Breaking the Language Barrier

If you had all the time in the world and didn’t want to get bored, pick up a book or Mavis Beacon CD and learn a language. Spend some quality time learning to speak Spanish in all its dialects and regions, French, Russian, Chinese, Greek, Latin, Arabic, you name it. You can learn by submerging yourself in that region or country for a year or two, until you speak it fluently. After a hundred years or so of walking around the earth, you’ll be able to speak to anybody and everybody! Even the tough French-Creole dialects found in certain Parishes of New Orleans (reference Waterboy with Adam Sandler). Nobody would ever be able to talk smack about you without you knowing. There won’t be any secrets kept from you either. Once you learn all the languages, if you get bored you can always create a new one of your own. Let a hundred years go by and see how many people picked it up.

3) Adrenaline Junkie Is An Understatement

Could you imagine the stunts you would be able to pull off if death wasn’t an issue and life was everlasting? Bungee jumping is so outdated but you would still have to do it at least once. But why not climb higher for a longer drop? Longer bungee jumping rides equals more fun and enjoyment for that adrenaline addiction. Skydiving, paragliding, cliff jumping, scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, dirt bike stunts, four-wheeling ATVs, mountain climbing, cave diving, anything you can’t imagine anybody being able to do and survive, you can do! The impossible is now possible once you’re a vampire. And you’re not doing these stunts for bragging rights, because you have an advantage without the fear of dying, rather you do these things to truly feel what it’s like to do them. To feel the wind against your face as you free fall thousands of feet in mid air, meet the underwater sea creatures nobody has been able to discover, wrestle an alligator, swim with a whale, whatever you desire, you can conquer.

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4) Best of the Best Concert Series

Being a vampire has some definite advantages. You can go watch every great musician, band, solo artist, quartet, or instrumental group perform live. Imagine hanging out in a local Jersey dive listening to Bruce Springsteen, at a Minneapolis coffeehouse listening to Bob Dylan, or at a club in Liverpool listening to four boyish legends known as The Beatles. Hear famous symphony orchestras and opera performances from all over the world. Learn the moonwalk from Michael Jackson, smoke weed with Snoop Dog, Jimi Hendrix and the band Sublime, drink beers with Johnny Cash, strike a pose with Madonna, party with Kurt Cobain and Jerry Garcia, compare lips with Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler, have a cocktail with Frank Sinatra, sing the delta blues with Willie Brown, or jazz it up with Duke Ellington and Etta James. You would be able to watch live performances of every artist, in every country, during the course of the time that passes. Spend years traveling around attending one concert after another until you’ve crossed everybody off your list, of course you’ll be adding them as you go too. You will be so well diverse with every genre of music, the uniqueness of each decade or era, educated with soulful words and melodies. I can only imagine the happiness within. Collect the concert tickets or napkins from the location or something that proves you were there and make a collage for your vampire home. How cool would that be to be able to enjoy all of these artists, live, pouring out their energy so you can be inspired and entertained?

5) Never Be Jobless

Since you’re a vampire and your life is about endless experiences, you pretty much are living history as is plays out, decade after decade, century after century. You were there when aspirin company Bayer used to market heroin, during the 72 years when Louis XIV reigned France, witnessed the dollar become the first official currency, or to meet Dante (pre-Divine Comedy) when he was just a boy studying Tuscan poetry at the Sicilian School. With all of this first-hand knowledge you can work as a college professor (night classes only) or write and publish history books with explicit and accurate detail. You can also teach online history classes or tutor individuals in the evenings. These types of jobs would probably come easy to a vampire. Since you have the opportunity to be an expert in just about any subject matter many options are out there for you such as DIY shows, travel shows for the countries with the best nightlife and more!

It’s starting to make sense why Vampires can come across as being arrogant and snobby. They’ve been around long enough and have learned as much as they could take in and could be quite bored with the ordinary. Imagine having to explain the same thing to each person you encounter, day in and day out, teaching them that Arabic numerals were not invented by Arabs, that ketchup was sold as medicine in the 1830s, that two of the Titanic survivors were dogs, and that it took 20 thousand men, 20 years, to finish building the Taj Mahal. They’re smart, they’ve been there, done that, and seen that, and they kind of have bragging rights to be know-it-alls. Don’t take it personal if they beat you in Jeopardy and Who Wants to be a Millionaire, remember, they could do a lot more damage if they really wanted to.

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