Stay Classy Silver Magnum Douchebag!

27 12 2013

To the Puerto Rican douchebag driving the silver Dodge Magnum near Universal Orlando this fine Friday morning…I’ve got two words for you to go along with my middle finger salute to how you so smoothly crossed over three lanes of traffic to cut me off and get in front of me…Driver’s Education!

Or maybe any education would benefit this guy.

Kenny Powers

Apparently using your blinker to let people know that you will be changing into another lane means nothing to the person at the stop sign waiting to cross over three lanes so they can make a u-turn. If that wasn’t enough, I’m also not allowed to voice my complaint as to how we almost collided because of his impatient and chauvinistic asshole driving. I spoke the truth and apparently it hurt mister babyface, rico sauve enough for him to get out of his car and stand up to a woman. A woman who can drive a whole lot better than he can and who has every right to voice her opinion on his adolescent driving skills. Lucky for him they give licenses out here like they give free coffee in bank lobbies.

I spoke and continued to speak even after the cool guy had to step halfway out of his car to tell me to not talk. Really? Where do you think we are? I understand that in some countries women don’t have the right to talk but we’re not there. I’d be more than happy to put you on a plane to one of those places though. Anything to get you off the road. Of course some joker telling me to be quiet only makes me verbalize even more about how bad of a driver he is and how he really should be paying more attention to the road than to me. Threatening to park in front of me until I shut up isn’t going to phase me at all. I’m salaried, running errands for a job, probably a concept he’ll never get if his driving skills are any indication of his work skills, and I have all the time in the world to sit here and talk about how you are actually standing up to a woman who you wronged.

I feel bad for the women in his life who have to put up with his nonsense. Grow a pair buddy, you’re picking a fight with the wrong chica. If I wasn’t wearing heels, I’d be out of my car too, bumping chests, although he did look like he had a slight advantage with his man boobs. Either that or his overpowering drugstore cologne knockoff would suffocate me enough for him to sucker punch me. It’s a toss up. I’m still in awe that mini guapo is even out of his car addressing me. Laughing at him didn’t help the situation but what is a girl to do? He looks as pathetic as he drives. I never want to hear that women drivers are worse than men ever again. At least I own up to my mistakes unlike the douchebags in Orlando that turn around and want to fight you because they suck at driving. What’s wrong with you?

It’s hard not to get distracted by the asshole men of Orlando because they are everywhere. Thank you to the ones that were raised with manners, and thank your moms too. As for all of the rest of you, watch your manners and watch your back because us women, we don’t put up with shananigans like the ones displayed by the silver Magnum douchebag today. Like many other women, I do enjoy talking and I will continue to address your jerkoff driving skills, like I’m doing now. Cheers to wishing our paths never cross again! But if for some reason there is a next time, I’m losing the heels and whipping out the camera so the world can see how much of a douchebag you really are. Seems like the popular thing to do. Maybe I’ll make a funny GIF file of you or maybe Tosh.O will air it on his show for me.